A biology teacher was giving a lesson on the blood circulatory system
Trying to make the matter clearer,
She asked the class: "Now, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, teacher," the students said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?" A little boy shouted from the back of the class, "’It’s because your feet ain’t empty."
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.
The judge rose from the bench.
"Ah Ha! I have waited for many years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight.
"Now sit down at that corner and write ‘I will not pass through a red light’ five hundred times."
Ah Beng’s son was in school was taking a true-false test and he’s flipping a coin.
At the end of the test he’s flipping the coin again.
The teacher says, "What are you doing?" Ah Beng’s son replied, "Checking my answers."
A little girl came home from school and told her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do." The mother exclaimed, "But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your principal about this …
by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?" The little girl replied, "My homework."
The teacher asked her class to write a composition on what they’d do if they had a million dollars.
Ah Beng handed in a blank sheet of paper.
‘Ah Beng!’ yelled the teacher, ‘what is this, you have not written anything!’.
Why?’ ‘Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do. Nothing !’, replied Ah Beng
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest boy in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a ten dollar note in one hand and a fifty cent coin in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want boy?” The boy takes the fifty cent and left. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That boy never learn!”
Later, the customer saw the same young boy coming out of the 7-eleven shop. “Hey, boy! Can I ask you a question? Why did you take the fifty cent instead of the ten dollar note?” The boy licked his ice cream and replied, “Because the day I take the ten dollar note, the game is over!
A toddler walked over to the pregnant woman while waiting with his mother in the clinic.
He inquisitively asks the woman," why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "Im having a baby."
With big eyes,he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "oh yes, its a real good baby."
With even a more surprised and shocked look he said, "Then why did you eat him?"
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.
Everybody, but one young man laughed uproariously.
"What’s the matter?" grumbled the boss.
"Haven’t you got a sense of humor?" "I don’t have to laugh," he replied.
"I’m resigning today."
"Do you believe in life after death?" the supervisor asked one of his staff.
"Yes, Mdm," the new staff replied.
"Well, then, that answers my question" the supervisor remarked.
"Your grandmother stopped by to see you after you left early to attend her funeral yesterday."
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
The name men give to their mistakes.
A place where success comes before work.
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
A banker provided by nature.
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
A person who while falling from a tall tower says in midway "See I am not dead yet."
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"