Archives for April, 2009
Dear Tech Support Team: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes thattook up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and nowmonitors all other system activities. Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket [...]
Ah Beng went to Kenya with his wife Ah Lian. Ah Lian: Watch it, don’t step on it. Ah Beng: Smells like shit (bend down and dipped his finger into it to check). Good thing we didn’t step on it
Why did Ah Beng smile when the lightning strikes? Answer: He thinks he is having his photograph taken
After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
A Health Minister has written to WHO to slow down the spread of Swine Flu because the country could not cope.
Friend: My wife just got a ticket for speeding Ah Beng: That’s nothing! My wife is so bad the traffic police decided to give her a season ticket.
Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then he comes to column on “Salary Expected”, but he is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes ” Yes ”
Ah Beng went to a shop to buy a colour TV. Ah Beng : “Do you have color TV ?” Salesgirl : “Yes !” Ah Beng : “Give me a green one, please ”
The commanding officer of an army camp sent a soldier to see the medical officer hoping that he can be cured of his gambling addiction. Medical Officer: I heard you are a good gambler. What kind of things do you bet on? Soldier: I bet on anything. If you want I can bet $100 that [...]
Ah Beng was arrested by the police for burglary. Police: What did you steal from the victims house? Ah Beng: Nothing. Police: How come you did not steal anything? Ah Beng: Both my hands were occupied. The alarm was too loud and I had to use my hands to cover both ears.
Adam and Eve could are not Chinese nor Indians. Why? Chinese eat snakes and if they have been Chinese they would have eaten the snake up when it appears and Satan wouldn’t have a chance to temp the human race. Indians are snake charmers and they would have charmed the snake (Satan) at the garden [...]
Eve: Adam , do you love me? Adam: Who else can I love?
Why is Adam the fastest runner ever? Answer: Because he was first in the human race
Why was Adam created first? Answer: To give him a chance to speak first
An airliner encountered very severe turbulence and the flight was very bumpy. A frightened and nervous passenger who was seated next to a missionary turned to him for comfort. ”Can’t you do something about the turbulence?’ she pleaded. ”I am sorry, Ma’am, I am in sales, not management.” said the missionary.
During one of the 5 Star naval exercise there was an argument when 3 Admirals started talking about the bravery of their own soldiers. To prove his point the Australia Admiral ordered one of his Colonel to jump into the shark infested sea near Saipan island to swim 3 times round the warship. The Colonel [...]
One international customer service consultant was very impressed with our SIA and came to Singapore to find out how our Singapore Airline select our iconic Singapore Girls. The consultant was invited to sit in during one of the SIA interview session. Interviewer : What were you doing before applying for this job? Interviewee : I [...]
An old lady went to see her family doctor because she thought she was a moth. The doctor responded, I think you need to see a psychiatrist not a family doctor The patient replied, I was on the way to the hospital but I decided to come here when I saw that your light was [...]
Wife: Dont you think our son inherit all my intelligence? Husband: Seems like it since I still have mine
A lawyer was interrogating a witness and passed this sarcastic remark: You dont seem to have the intelligence I expect to see for a man of your stature The witness replied, Actually I dont need any intelligence to answer stupid questions at all
Pastor: Son, what was your fathers last word to you before he passed away? Son: In my family, my mother has the last word not my father.
Ah Beng: I get very nervous during driving tests! Doctor: You’ll pass sooner or later. So you shouldnt worry about it. Ah Beng: But I’m the examiner!
Doctor: You’ll live to be ninety. You’re in good health. Patient: But, doctor, I am already 90 years old. Doctor: So I am right after all.
Doctor: What is troubling you? Patient: I keep getting this feeling that nobody can understand what I say. Doctor: I dont quite understand what you mean.