Archives for May, 2009
The teacher asked her accounting class: “Who do you think was the first businessman?” One hand shot up. it was Noah, miss,” said the bright lad. “Noah, why Noah?” “Well, while all the rest of the world went into liquidation, Noah floated his own company.”
I have a spelling checker. It came with my PC. It plainly marks four my revue, Mistake I cannot sea. I’ve run this poem threw it, I’m sure your please to no. Its letter perfect in it’s weigh, My checker tolled me sew.
Where are you from? ,the custom officer asked the tourist. ”India, sir,” Rajah replied. ”Which part?” the custom officer asked. ”All of me , sir” came the reply.
”Why can’t you answer any of my the questions?” the exasperated teacher asked Ah Meng. Ah Meng replied, ”If I could answer your questions, what is the point of coming to school, teacher?”
The surgeon was pleased with his patient’s speedy recovery. He told his patient, ” It’s all due to your wife’s tender loving care” The patient replied, ”In that case, if you don’t mind, I would like to write the cheque for the treatment to my wife since it is all her effort.”
There are plenty of reasons why girls should marry National Servicemen (NSF). Here are some of them- He can cook He can sew He make the bed He can defend you He is already used to taking orders
The judge declared to Abraham,”The charge oof bigamy is dismissed. You can go home now,” ”Which home, your honour?” asked Abraham
Ah Beng told his doctor, ”I keep thinking that I am a pair of curtains!” His doctor replied,” You better pull yourself together”
Epitaph of a hypochondriac- I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!
The surgeon looked solemnly as he advised Ah Beng, ‘The chances of survival for this major operation are slim at 1 in 100. But the good news is your’re my 100th patient”
If you are obesessive compulsive , please press 1 repeatedly If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 If you have multiple personalities please press 3,4,5, and 0 If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call [...]
Two Wushu masters were boasting about their skills. ‘My reflexes are faster than yours” boasted one of them and drew his sword to slice a passing fly which dropped dead in two pieces. ”That is no big deal.” said the other master and drew his sword at another flying fly. The first master started laughing [...]
Peter is a good golfer but is frustrated because he could not see where his ball lands all the time. His wife advsied him to bring his father in law who is 90 years old along becasue he has perfect eye signt. So Peter went for another round of golf and brought his father in [...]
Patient: Doc, I can’t sleep at night Doctor: Don’t worry. Just lie on the edge of the bed and soon you’ll drop off
Quote from a woman. “I married what I thought was an ideal man, I got an ordeal and I now want a new deal’
The doctor decided to tell the truth to a very sick man. Doctor- I feel that I should tell you the facts. I don’t think you have much time left. Is there anyone you would like to see? Sick patient- Yes Doctor-Who would you like to see? Sick patient- Another doctor
A atheist businessman decided to open a disco business right opposite a church. The church started a petition to stop the disco from opening and the congregation prayed daily against the disco business. One day a violent lightning struck the disco and it was burnt to the ground before the construction was completed. The businessman [...]
Chemistry Teacher: James, what is the chemical formula for water? James: H I J K L M N O. Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about? James: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
Teacher: Jane, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ Jane: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’ Teacher: No, that’s wrong Jane: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: David, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? David: You told me to do it without using tables.
Teacher: Jane, go to the map and find North America .. Jane: Here it is. Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? Class: Jane
”Be thankful?. What have i to be thankful for when I cannot pay any of my bills!” ”Then be thankful you aren’t one of the creditors you owed money to.”
A teacher was testing the children in class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. She asked them, ‘If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?’ ‘NO!’ the children answered. ‘If I [...]
An old lady lost her handbag and an honest boy who found it returned it to her. ”Wierd,” commented the old lady, ”when I misplaced the bag there was a hundred dollar bill in it. Now I find ten ten dollar bills.” ”That’s right, madam,” said the boy.” The last time I found a lady’s [...]