Archives for June, 2009
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
We’ll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we’ll be New Friends
This is an interesting sign someone spotted in US. Don’t mess with kids nowadays. They can be dangerous. “Don’t hit kids. No seriously they have guns now!”
Ah Beng was asked to make a sentence with the word ‘slept’ in his English class for adult at the community centre. ‘Me slept with Ah Lian last night,” Ah Beng said. ‘That’s wrong. I slept with Ah Lian last night,” corrected Mr Tan, his teacher. ‘ Then it must have been after I fell [...]
An advertisement appeared in the Australian Classified Ads. It reads, ”Man with large farm wants to meet woman with a tractor. Agenda is matrimony.Email picture of tractor to firstname.lastname@example.org”
What does RSVP mean on the wedding invitation card? It means ” Remember, Send Valuable Presents”
Did you hear about the baby mouse who saw a bat? He ran to his mother and told her he saw an angel
How can you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? Answer- Spend a large fortune
Police- Do you mean to say that you always have the last word with your wife in an argument? Ah Beng- Yes, I always say sorry at the end of an argument with her.
A surgeon was indignant with the size of the bill he received when he went to pick up his car from the workshop. ‘Hey, this is more than I charge per hour!” he snapped. ”Boss,, my job harder than yours,” said the mechanic, ”you doctors only have to work on one model your whole life, [...]
Customer: Those sausages you sold me were meat at one end and bread at the other Butcher: Yes, in financial crises like this, it’s difficult to make both ends meat
Fat lady: I ‘m very annoyed with that weighing scale. Husband: Why’s that? Fat lady: When I stepped on it, it said, “One person at a time , please”
Ah Beng decided that it was time to talk to his teenage son about facts of life. ‘Son, I want to talk to you about birds and bees”, began Ah Beng. ‘Sure, dad, what do you want to know?’, answered his son.
The SWAT team was being briefed on survival technique in the jungle by their commander. ‘Guys, if you are bitten by a snake you must immediately get somebody to use his mouth to suck out the poison from the wound.” One of the trainee raised his hand to ask question,” Sir, what happens if the [...]
The Beng family just hired a new maid and decided to lay some house rules for her. ‘I want you to remember that this family has breakfast punctually at 7.30am every morning. Understand!’ said Mrs Beng very sternly. ”Oh, don’t worry,” said the new maid. ”If I oversleep, just go ahead without me. I don’t usually [...]
The following was engraved on the tombstone of a hypochondriac: “ I told you I was sick!”
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised against rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were [...]
Ah Beng was visiting his grandpa’s grave when he came across a tombstone that said, ”Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.” ”How did they manage to get 2 people into one grave?” he wondered aloud.
A woman who has just delivered her baby sent this sms to her tailor, ‘Cancel my order for the maternity dress. My delivery was faster than yours”
“Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bell” “Take these pills and if you are still not well, give me a ring”
You get mixed feelings when your mother in law drives over the clift in your new car.