Archives for July, 2009

Ah Beng was carrying a box under his arm and his friend asked him, ‘Ah Beng, what’s in that box?’ ‘A Cat,’ replied Ah Beng. ‘What for?’ ,asked his friend. ‘I see rats which frighten me when I got drunk. This cat will drive the rats away.’, answered Ah Beng ‘But,’ his friend added,’ those [...]


Perfect patients Four surgeons were discusiing the professions which make the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said,’I like to see accountants on my operating table because, when you open them up, everything inside them is numbered.’ The second responded, ‘You should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.’ The third surgeon [...]


One day Ah Lian was walking down a busy road when she realized a truck was headed right towards her. Trying to be on the safe side she moved off the road, out of harm’s way, but the truck veered right towards her Frightened, Ah Lian jumped into a drain to avoid the truck. As [...]


A new game was invented in Scotland and it was entitled: Gentlemen Only. Ladies Forbidden. And thus the word GOLF entered the English language


Son- ‘Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife untill he marries?” Dad-’That happens in every country and not just in Africa.”


Who ‘s the boss? Ah Beng was complaining at a staff meeting that he wasn’t getting any respect in the office. He went out and returned with a small sign that read,” I’m the boss.” he then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found a note [...]


Ah Beng was thinking about doing a research on a subject that has never been done before for his Ph.D One day, while thinking about it, he saw a cockroach on a table in front of him. He immediately decided to undertake research on the roach. He placed the cockroach on the table and said,’Run’. [...]


Boy- I love you terribly. Girl- You certainly do


”Ah Beng, you handwriting is terrible! You must learn to write better.”, said the teacher. ”Well, if I did, you’d be finding fault with my spelling.”, replied Ah Beng


Patient : “Doctor, I can’t help stealing!” Doctor: “Have you taken anything for it?”


Why should you always borrow money from pessimists? They don’t expect you to pay it back


Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice


Which is faster – cold or heat? Heat, because you can catch a COLD


How do you call a bird with no (i) eye? Brd


Why was the calendar so anxious? Its days were numbered.


How do you get a one-armed dumb blonde down a treee? Answer: Wave to her


How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a hand.


Why did the monster cut off the top of his head? He wanted to keen an open mind


What did one magician say to the other? “Who was that woman I sawed you with last night?”


What is the difference between the government and the Mafia? One of them is organized


Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of trousers.


Why didn’t the ghost go to the ball? He had no body to go with.


What kind of key do you need to open a banana? A MonKey


Why do Gorillas have big nostrils? Ah Beng: Because they have big fingers


What do you do if a dumb blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back at her