Archives for January, 2010
Ah Beng bought a sweater and sent it to his son who is studying in UK by parcel post. He added the following note with the parcel: ‘I have removed the metallic buttons as they are too heavy and would add to the postage fee. You will find them in the right hand pocket of [...]
Wife: I need to buy more dresses. Husband: But you already have a few hundred dresses. Wife: I know. But the neighbourhood has seen all of them. Husband: I think it will be cheaper to move to a new neighbourhood.
Almost everybody is in favour of going to heaven, but many people are hoping they’ll live long enough to see easing of the entrance requirements.
What is the difference between a train and a woman? Answer: A train makes up after being late but a woman becomes late after make-up
What did the clumsy optician do at a party? He made a spectacle of himself. What kind of profits do fisherman make? Net Profits Why is a crossed-eyed teacher not successful in class? Because she can’t control her pupils Why did the little pony lose his voice? Because he was a little hoarse What is [...]
A general, a colonel and a major were having a heated argument on the subject of sex. The general maintained that sex was 60% work and 40% fun. The colonel said it was 70% work and 20% fun. The major argued that it was 90% work and 10% fun. They decided to ask the private [...]
‘Can you tell me what steam is?’ asked the Professor. ‘Why sure, Sir,’ replied the student confidently. ‘Steam is … why… Er… it is water that is gone crazy with the heat.’
A mother went to a shop to buy a TV and the salesman was trying to sell her a set with a remote control. He tried to convinced her of the convenience of having a remote control to flick between channels. ‘Listen, ‘ she replied, ‘I don’t need a remote control. With 10 children I [...]
Ah Beng lamented to a friend, ‘My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for 5 years.’ Mrs Beng interrupted, ‘ Not 5, we have been married for 6 years!’
A traffic police officer signalled a speeding car driven by Ah Beng to stop. He asked Ah Beng , ‘Why were you driving so fast? You were going well beyond the speed limit.’ Ah Beng replied, ‘My brakes are not working and I wanted to get home as fast as I could before I meet [...]
A man and a woman were sitting in a MRT train. The man kept on quietly reading his paper. The woman could stand it no longer and retorted: ‘If you were my husband, I’ll put poison in your coffee.’ The man looked up and replied, ‘And if you were my wife, I’ll drink it.’
A pastor called the Town Hall office to ask that a dead mule be removed from the front of his church. The young officer who took the call remarked, ‘I thought you clergymen will take care of the dead.’ ‘We do,’ answered the pastor, ‘but first we must get in touch with its relatives!’
Sign in psychiatrist’s office: Amnesia patients must pay in advance
Ah Beng owned a big company which hire only married men. When he was asked by the reporter the reason, he replied, ‘Married men are more obedient.’
Ah Beng: Doctor, I have a problem. Doctor: What’s your problem? Ah Beng: I keep forgetting things. Doctor: Since when do you have this problem? Ah Beng: What problem?
Ah Beng hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. He wanted to see videos of his wife’s activities. A month later, the detective returned with the video recordings. Ah Beng saw his wife meeting with another man laughing in the park and having lunch at a cafe. He also saw [...]
An old farmer and his wife stepped into modern Shanghai for the first time after China became modernized. They marvelled at all the tall buildings and vehicles in the modern city. Suddenly they saw the lift at the bottom of a sky scrapper opened up. His wife asked, Whats that? The farmer responded, I never [...]
Did you hear about the latest tragedy in Singapore? There was a terrible power failure in a large shopping mall and people were stuck on the escalators for 1 hour!
Ah Beng joined a large MNC as a new employee. On his first day in the office, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, ‘Get me a cup of coffee asap!’ The voice from the other side responded, ‘ You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you are talking to, idiot?’ [...]