Entries by Tituslow
A biology teacher was giving a lesson on the blood circulatory system Trying to make the matter clearer, She asked the class: "Now, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, teacher," the students said. "Then why is it [...]
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Ah Ha! I have waited for many years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that corner and write ‘I will not [...]
Ah Beng’s son was in school was taking a true-false test and he’s flipping a coin. At the end of the test he’s flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" Ah Beng’s son replied, "Checking my answers."
A little girl came home from school and told her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do." The mother exclaimed, "But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your principal about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?" The little girl [...]
The teacher asked her class to write a composition on what they’d do if they had a million dollars. Ah Beng handed in a blank sheet of paper. ‘Ah Beng!’ yelled the teacher, ‘what is this, you have not written anything!’. Why?’ ‘Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do. [...]
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest boy in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a ten dollar note in one hand and a fifty cent coin in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which [...]
A toddler walked over to the pregnant woman while waiting with his mother in the clinic. He inquisitively asks the woman," why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "Im having a baby." With big eyes,he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy with a puzzled [...]
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one young man laughed uproariously. "What’s the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven’t you got a sense of humor?" "I don’t have to laugh," he replied. "I’m resigning [...]
"Do you believe in life after death?" the supervisor asked one of his staff. "Yes, Mdm," the new staff replied. "Well, then, that answers my question" the supervisor remarked. "Your grandmother stopped by to see you after you left early to attend her funeral yesterday."
A doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. [...]
A policeman stopped a motorist and was surprised to see a dozen of penguins on the back seat. “You shouldn’t be driving around with penguins like that,” he told the man. “Take them to the zoo.” The man promised he to do so and the policeman allowed him to drive off. The next day, however, [...]
Psychiatrist told his patient, ‘You better pay up the fees you owed me or I shall let you go crazy!”
An elderly gentleman….. Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your [...]
An elderly woman came out of a doctor’s consultation room looking very angry and quickly left in a state of agitation. “What happened?” asked the nurse. “ I told her she was pregnant,” replied the doctor. “You couldn’t be serious,” remarked the nurse. “Of course not,” the doctor answered. “But I did cure her of [...]
Some people say I am pretty while others say I am ugly. What do you say? Answer: Pretty Ugly
What is always behind time? Answer: The back of a clock.
Why does Ah Beng wear a tie and suit to sleep at night? Answer: He is being prepared because he may meet someone important in his dreams.
Why did the psychic cross the road? Answer: To cross to the other side
Were you long in the hospital? No, I was the same size as I am now.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.The bus driver says,’That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Yuck!’ The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, angry. She says to passenger next to her,’The driver just insulted me!’ The passenger says,’There’s very rude of the driver to say that. [...]
An elderly patient went to have her teeth checked. "Mrs. Ang, your teeth are good for the next 80 years." the dentist beamed. The elderly lady replied, "What will they do without me?"
There are two ways to rule a women and nobody knows them. Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong. A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing [...]
Did you hear about the parents who called their baby ‘Caffeine?’ It kept them awake all night! Why did the man climb on to the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper. ‘Doctor, doctor, I can’t get to sleep at night.’ ‘Lie on the edge of the bed, then, and you’ll soon drop [...]
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, [...]