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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest boy in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a ten dollar note in one hand and a fifty cent coin in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which [...]
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one young man laughed uproariously. "What’s the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven’t you got a sense of humor?" "I don’t have to laugh," he replied. "I’m resigning [...]
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?” A young [...]
A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first? The dumb blonde because smart blondes don’t exist.
An elephant saw a turtle and decided to pick it up with its trunk and hurled it far away. A second elephant which saw what happened asked , ‘Why are you so cruel to the poor turtle?’ First elephant replied, ‘that turtle bit me some 50 years ago’ Second elephant exclaimed, ‘you really have good [...]
Did you hear about the rock and roll singer who wore a hearing aid for five years ….then found out he only needed a haircut?
Bride: ‘I don’t want to leave out any insignificant details on my wedding’ Mother: ‘Don’t worry! I’m sure he’s there!’
Nowadays you’ll find almost everything in the average American home…. except the family.
Husband: ‘Do you think you can paint a good portrait of my wife?’ Artist: ‘My friend, I can make it so lifelike you’ll jump every time you see it’
Why did Ah Beng stay up all night to study? Because he had to see a doctor in the morning for a blood test.
Learning Hokkien is as easy as abc: Children is KinnaKia. Bird is Jiaokia. Give birth is Sehkia. Furniture is IKEA. Police is Matakia. Small house is Chukia. Handphone is Nokia. I am Hokkienkia. Malay is Huankia. Indian is Geilengkia. Chinese is Tenglangkia. Japanese is Jitpunkia. Bad guy is Paikia. Good guy is GuaiKia. People who [...]
When I look at you, time stands still …. What I really mean is that your face would stop a clock.
Mum: Darling, do you want some ice cream? Toddler: (No response) Mum: Darling, do you want some ice cream? Toddler: Yes, mum. Mum: Why do you have to make me ask twice before you respond? Toddler: Because I wanted two portions of ice cream.
A teacher told her students: ‘It is better to give than to receive. The more you give the better it is for you.’ Ah Beng replied, ‘ I know that. This is what my father believes in ‘ Teacher: ‘What does your father work as?’ Ah Beng: ‘My father is a boxer’
A couple was fighting over the custody of their child during a divorce hearing before a judge. The judge asked the toddler, ‘Do you want to stay with your mum or you dad?’ The toddler replied, ‘I will stay with the one who is keeping the T.V. ?’
Ah Seng and Ah Beng , two carpenter brothers were doing a job in Suntec City to set up for an exhibition of paintings by a famous artist. They two of them had a couple of beer during the lunch break. When they resumed work, Ah Seng got hold of a nail, climbed the stool [...]
A senior doctor was making his usual round at the mental hospital when he saw one of the patients holding a fishing rod. He had the end of the rod dangling in the washbasin. Trying to be kind, he asked, ‘Caught anything so far?’ The patient replied, ‘In a washbasin? are you crazy?’
A patient suffering from a nasty cold visited Dr Shears and groaned, saying, ‘ Doc, can you cure my cold? It has been held for me for the last 3 days.’ Knowing that there is no definite cure for common cold, the young over-zealous doctor advised after much hesitation, ‘You may do one thing. Take [...]
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you [...]
Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we [...]
‘I struggled with mathematics all my life. As a child, learned to add. As a young man , I learnt to subtract. As a businessman I was a master at multiplying. And now my relatives will divide.’
The school inspector asked the class whether he should ask one difficult question, or two simple questions. A clever student told him to ask only one difficult question. The inspector asked him the place where the first woman was born in Singapore. The boy answered that it was at home. ‘How do you know?’ the [...]
Old lady: ‘People say you are the world’s greatest liar’ Man: ‘You are probably right. But let me tell you, there is no other woman who can match you in beauty at your age’ Old lady:’ I marvelled at how people can malign the most truthful person like you into a liar’
An Indian politician returned home after his first visit to China. Many reporters surrounded him and asked him what it was the he had been impressed with most about the Chinese people. ‘They are a very gifted race.’ replied the politician. ‘Even a two year old child can speak Mandarin.’
In an international exhibition a stall exhibited some brains of men with different price tags ranging from USD 100 to $100,000. A brain from famous people like Albert Einstein has a price tag of USD 100. Another brain of a taxi driver costs USD 100,000. There was a brain which has a price tag of [...]