Patient : “Doctor, I can’t help stealing!” Doctor: “Have you taken anything for it?”
Which is faster – cold or heat? Heat, because you can catch a COLD
How do you call a bird with no (i) eye? Brd
Why was the calendar so anxious? Its days were numbered.
How do you get a one-armed dumb blonde down a treee? Answer: Wave to her
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a hand.
Why did the monster cut off the top of his head? He wanted to keen an open mind
What did one magician say to the other? “Who was that woman I sawed you with last night?”
What is the difference between the government and the Mafia? One of them is organized
Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of trousers.
What kind of key do you need to open a banana? A MonKey
Why did the orange go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling (feeling) well.
Where did you learn to swim? Ah Beng: “In the water”
What is a periodic table? A table used only occasionally
Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool? Because they kept dropping their trunks
What do polar bears have for lunch? Ice burgers
What is the most popular drink in Australia? Answer: Coca Koala
What did the bald man say when he received a comb for his birthday? Answer: I’ll never part with it!
Why are cooks cruel? Because the beat up the eggs, whip the cream and batter the fishes
Why couldn’t the pianist open the piano? Because they keys are inside
Why was the Egyptian girl confused? Because her daddy was a mummy.
What stories do sailors tell their children? Ferry tales
Can a leopard change its spots? Yes, when it moves from one spot to another.
What do you call a policeman on a tree? Answer: Special branch
I heard this riddle from a child. Question: What goes up but cannot come down? Answer: Our age.