Archives for “Doctor”
An elderly woman came out of a doctor’s consultation room looking very angry and quickly left in a state of agitation. “What happened?” asked the nurse. “ I told her she was pregnant,” replied the doctor. “You couldn’t be serious,” remarked the nurse. “Of course not,” the doctor answered. “But I did cure her of [...]
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, [...]
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Doctor: Did you take the patient’s temperature?Nurse: Nope. Is it missing?
There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method:General Practitioners know nothing and do little.Surgeons know little and do everything.Internists know everything and do nothing.Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it’s usually too late.
A patient suffering from a nasty cold visited Dr Shears and groaned, saying, ‘ Doc, can you cure my cold? It has been held for me for the last 3 days.’ Knowing that there is no definite cure for common cold, the young over-zealous doctor advised after much hesitation, ‘You may do one thing. Take [...]
Perfect patients Four surgeons were discusiing the professions which make the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said,’I like to see accountants on my operating table because, when you open them up, everything inside them is numbered.’ The second responded, ‘You should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.’ The third surgeon [...]
Doctor, doctor , I think I am suffering from Deja Vu Doctor answered: Didn’t I see you yesterday?
“Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bell” “Take these pills and if you are still not well, give me a ring”
A very rich man was dying and in his final moment he only wanted to meet two persons. Everyone was curious because he only asked to meet his doctor and his lawyer. He did not even ask to have his wife and children by his side before he took his last breath. The truth came [...]
A doctor and a lawyer crashed into each other in a road traffic accident. Both escaped with minor scratches but their expensive cars were in a mess. Seeing that the doctor was dazed the lawyer offered him a drink. The doctor accepted it and drank deeply before handing back the bottle of whisky back to [...]
Patient: I keep forgetting things Doctor: How how long have you had this problem? Patient: What problem?
“Doctor, doctor, I think I got amnesia!” “Go home and forget about it”
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized? ” ‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.’ [...]
An old lady went to see her family doctor because she thought she was a moth. The doctor responded, I think you need to see a psychiatrist not a family doctor The patient replied, I was on the way to the hospital but I decided to come here when I saw that your light was [...]
Ah Beng: I get very nervous during driving tests! Doctor: You’ll pass sooner or later. So you shouldnt worry about it. Ah Beng: But I’m the examiner!
Doctor: You’ll live to be ninety. You’re in good health. Patient: But, doctor, I am already 90 years old. Doctor: So I am right after all.
Doctor: What is troubling you? Patient: I keep getting this feeling that nobody can understand what I say. Doctor: I dont quite understand what you mean.
A man went to see his doctor because he thinks he is invisible. Nurse: Good morning sir, what is wrong with you? Patient: I am invisible. Nurse: Doctor, there is crazy guy who claims that he is invisible in our waiting area. Doctor: Well, tell him I can’t see him because he is invisible. Call [...]
Hilarious Health Video Clip about a Doctor performing a Colonoscopy on a patient