Archives for “Doctor”
An elderly woman came out of a doctor’s consultation room looking very angry and quickly left in a state of agitation. “What happened?” asked the nurse. “ I told her she was pregnant,” replied the doctor. “You couldn’t be serious,” remarked the nurse. “Of course not,” the doctor answered. “But I did cure her of [...]
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, [...]
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Doctor: Did you take the patient’s temperature?Nurse: Nope. Is it missing?
A patient suffering from a nasty cold visited Dr Shears and groaned, saying, ‘ Doc, can you cure my cold? It has been held for me for the last 3 days.’ Knowing that there is no definite cure for common cold, the young over-zealous doctor advised after much hesitation, ‘You may do one thing. Take [...]
Doctor, doctor , I think I am suffering from Deja Vu Doctor answered: Didn’t I see you yesterday?
“Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bell” “Take these pills and if you are still not well, give me a ring”
A very rich man was dying and in his final moment he only wanted to meet two persons. Everyone was curious because he only asked to meet his doctor and his lawyer. He did not even ask to have his wife and children by his side before he took his last breath. The truth came [...]
A doctor and a lawyer crashed into each other in a road traffic accident. Both escaped with minor scratches but their expensive cars were in a mess. Seeing that the doctor was dazed the lawyer offered him a drink. The doctor accepted it and drank deeply before handing back the bottle of whisky back to [...]
Ah Beng: I get very nervous during driving tests! Doctor: You’ll pass sooner or later. So you shouldnt worry about it. Ah Beng: But I’m the examiner!
Doctor: You’ll live to be ninety. You’re in good health. Patient: But, doctor, I am already 90 years old. Doctor: So I am right after all.
Doctor: What is troubling you? Patient: I keep getting this feeling that nobody can understand what I say. Doctor: I dont quite understand what you mean.
Jane: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Jane: Yes, she prevents me from taking my medicine!
Prisoner: You have already performed several surgeries on me. My tonsils, my spleen, half my liver and one of my kidneys have been removed. How long more do I have to wait before you get me out of this hospital? Doctor: Pretty soon. I have already started the process of getting you out of the [...]
A man went to see his doctor because he thinks he is invisible. Nurse: Good morning sir, what is wrong with you? Patient: I am invisible. Nurse: Doctor, there is crazy guy who claims that he is invisible in our waiting area. Doctor: Well, tell him I can’t see him because he is invisible. Call [...]
The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.
Hilarious Health Video Clip about a Doctor performing a Colonoscopy on a patient
Ah Beng: Doctor, I couldn’t sleep well at night. I keep having bad dreams every night. Doctor: Take this tablet and you will be ok. Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow? Doctor: Sure. but why? Ah Beng: Is the final match tonight and I don’t want to miss it.
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and smoking, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
Is the boy feeling better? Surgeon: How is that little boy doing who swallowed the one dollar coin last night? Nurse: No change yet.