Archives for “Patient”
Psychiatrist told his patient, ‘You better pay up the fees you owed me or I shall let you go crazy!”
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, [...]
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Surgeon: “ If I consider the operation necessary, would you have the money to pay for it?” Patient: “Let’s put it this way. . . . If I didn’t have the money to pay for it, would you consider the operation to be necessary?”
A patient suffering from a nasty cold visited Dr Shears and groaned, saying, ‘ Doc, can you cure my cold? It has been held for me for the last 3 days.’ Knowing that there is no definite cure for common cold, the young over-zealous doctor advised after much hesitation, ‘You may do one thing. Take [...]
Perfect patients Four surgeons were discusiing the professions which make the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said,’I like to see accountants on my operating table because, when you open them up, everything inside them is numbered.’ The second responded, ‘You should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.’ The third surgeon [...]
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized? ” ‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.’ [...]
Doctor: You’ll live to be ninety. You’re in good health. Patient: But, doctor, I am already 90 years old. Doctor: So I am right after all.
Doctor: What is troubling you? Patient: I keep getting this feeling that nobody can understand what I say. Doctor: I dont quite understand what you mean.
A man went to see his doctor because he thinks he is invisible. Nurse: Good morning sir, what is wrong with you? Patient: I am invisible. Nurse: Doctor, there is crazy guy who claims that he is invisible in our waiting area. Doctor: Well, tell him I can’t see him because he is invisible. Call [...]
A neurologist took 5 min to study the MRI film in front of his patient who is suffering from constant headache. Patient: Doc, what do you see on my MRI? Neurologist: There is nothing right on your left brain and there is nothing left in your right brain. Patient: ? what does that mean?
The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.
Hilarious Health Video Clip about a Doctor performing a Colonoscopy on a patient
This is a simple teaser about nurses (Sorry nurses, this is meant to be a joke.) Question. What is practical nursing? (Sorry nurses, this is meant to be a joke.) Answer . To fall in love with a rich patient.